SKYLINES

Check out the Top 15 Skylines in the World.

Of course Hong Kong is my favorite. I lived/traveled in HK and China for about five months. One of my most vivid memories is crossing the harbor on the ferry at night, mesmerized by the massive reflections of the skyline lights on the water. Because of airport regulations, the lights can't be blinking, so there's a stillness amid the ancient/urban energy.

I can't wait to go back, the next time with my girl/s.

THE DASH

Lots to think about today. My friend is celebrating his son's 5th birthday by wearing the polo shirt he wore when he was born. The shirt is clearly 'worn', a couple of holes, but his annual tradition is a touching one in celebrating one of the most significant days in his life. It was ironic, that as I shared that moment with my friend, I was preparing to attend the funeral of another friend's mother.

After the service, she told me that her mom's unending wish was for her five sons and daughters to end their 3-year feud (over money, no less, what else.) I was somewhat astonished to hear that once the children finally reconciled, just one week later, the mom passed away. It's amazing how people can literally hold on to life for something they love or desire, yet also see that once people have nothing to live for, they can literally stop living. It also boggles my mind that for three years the siblings denied their mother and the grandchildren the joys and memories of sharing life together because of bickering over money. Now, that their mom is gone, was it really worth it?

In one day I saw both poles of life, birth and death. On the photocopied funeral service bulletin, or on the headstone, just below the departed's name, they print the birth year and year of death. For instance, in my case it would read Roman Derek Seguerre, 1965 - ? (whoa, that's freaky just writing it.)

I've learned that the dates aren't most important, it's the dash in between that matters most.

Wore shorts and sandals today! What a concept.

HEALTH UPDATE

Exhale. My biopsy tests came back NORMAL, which means that there wasn't any traceble cancer cells observable in my blood. It means a clean bill of health! Much love to all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

Questions people often ask me in regard to my health:

How am I feeling?
Feeling great, strong, energy still high. No debilitating side effects, just nausea at times in the evening after I pop my pills. Yech. You wouldn't know that I'm sick, as a matter of fact, I'm planning my next endurance event for the year.

How long do I have to take the medication? What happens if I stop?
At this point, indefinitely, or until a cure is found, max dosage 800 mg of Gleevec daily. It's not as bad as it sounds, I still am fortunate enough to have a high-quality of life, and extended years since my diagnosis (1/03).

So my meds are still effective, the cancer cells haven't mutated and built up a resistance to my treatment. I'm technically in remission, but there are likely still cancer cells in the blood, just not observable. Basically, the cancer would come back in full force if I stop taking my meds. There are some other drugs in the testing stage that seem to be even more effective than Gleevec. My oncologist says that I'm in a good place even if a worst case scenario comes up.

What is bone marrow biopsy? Does the biopsy hurt?
It's a process for extracting a sample of bone chip and marrow from the center of the hip bone (those two protrusions in the small of your back). The samples are sent to the lab for testing. I basically lie on my stomach and the doc uses a needle to 'extract' the specimen. They anesthesize the area but unfortunately you can't anesthesize the bone. So it does hurt a little, kind of like boring a searing-hot needle through my brain by way of my eyeball. No, it just hurts for a while. I'm fully awake but I have some sleepy drugs to take the edge off. I also have my ritual of always wearing my Adidas sweatpants and Crocs, and listening to my iPod (Vivaldi or Bocelli). Plus the nurses will hold my hand or rub my head, no really, they do, it's like their maternal instincts kick in when they see a full grown man crying in pain :) My owie is still tender for about 2-3 weeks afterward.

The best news is that there are new 'normal' blood tests (from your arm) that seem to be as effective as a biopsy. So my doc says this may be the last biopsy I'll ever need. The future routine tests will just be from my arm. Yahoo.

Sidenote: my favorite nurse Alicia wasn't there for my procedure. We're always yakking and making each other laugh. I called a couple weeks later and she said she was out the past few months going through chemo, breast cancer. Just got back on the job. Stay strong girl!

Living life one day at a time,

Roman

(pic: street luge. not me, but how life seems at times)

"ROMAN'S STORY"

This just came out, part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's 2006 nationwide marketing campaign. Pictures and interview were from the SF Nike Marathon Party last October (though they edited an earlier bio of mine to use for the text). There I met Nancy Klein, the Sr. VP of Marketing Communications out of NY who was so kind and gracious to Gilly and I. Love to TNT and LLS.

I think a print campaign is to follow. Pretty cool.

Click Here for the jump

SNOW TRIP

Gilly's first trip to the snow. Another milestone and memory. Record snowfall. A friend's cabin there has snow packed above his 15 foot high deck. Can't see out of some of his second floor windows because of the snow pack blocking the view. Only the third floor has all the windows clear. Yikes.

Of course the snow and cold didn't faze G. She just wanted to keep on playing, throwing snowballs, building snow castles, making snow angels, catching snow flakes on her tongue. We might as well have been at the beach playing in the sand as far as she was concerned.

You know when Gilly goes off to college/Stanford in 13 years, it means I only have 13 more Winters to play in the snow with her as a child. Think about that for a moment. Just 13. Next year that number goes down to just 12. Then only 11.

And I only have 13 more Springs to fly a kite with her, throw rocks into the ocean, eat ice cream at the downtown cafe, ride our bikes in the park, hold hands dropping her off at school. I know that may sound weird, but I think that way most of the time. It keeps me focused on what's most important, where and how to use my most precious resources in life-my time and energy. You know-do what you love with the people you love. Life is short. Life is precious. No regrets. Live and love in real time. They grow so fast.

Maybe worn 'cliches.'

But not to me.

OON, Happy Spring Break. I hope everyone gets lots of sunshine and has a chance to get outside and breathe in life. Get re-energized and refreshed. And stay safe.

And Happy Easter. I overhead Gilly singing softly, "at the Cross, at the Cross, where I first saw the light, and the 'birds' of my heart rolled away." It's an old hymn I used to sing as a child. It's the first time I heard her sing it, she must have learned it at school. I listened quietly. She then asked me to sing the last part for her. A precious moment not soon forgotten.

He is Risen. He is Risen Indeed.

(pic: Soda Springs Snow Park outside of Tahoe)

ISLAND PARADISE

One of the magazines I subscribe to has the "Private Island Business" as some of the coolest employment going. So I added 'Own an Island' on my Life "To Do" List. You know, for a quick little getaway. Maybe Fiji, Thailand, So. America, Carribean, Greece? Like Tom Hanks in Castaway, except with food, supplies, lucidness and a lifeline to the modern world. (I always wondered what was in that last Fed Ex package. Maybe a satellite phone?)

Check out this way cool site, where people really buy and rent their own private islands.

Of course the allure of an island is to get away, stranded in paradise, with time and space far from the stress and hurriedness of life. There's a great deal of romantic adventure involved. Lots of privacy, great views, sand, sun. I like the fact the as far out as it may seem, REALLY owning (or at least renting) my own private island is within the reach and scope of possibility within my lifetime. Anyone care to join me?

HOME THEATER

Snapshots of movies I've watched recently, when I have some spare time, thank you Netflix:

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
I was really looking forward to this since I missed it at the theater. Of course I like most Japanese themed movies. Classic love story-girl loves guy, guy loves girl, guy can't have girl, girl can't have guy. Do they end up together? Watch the movie :) Wonderfully sumptuous visuals and cinematography, beautiful locales. I can see how it won Oscars for cinematography and costume design. Some of the recognizable scenes were shot at local Bay Area Japanese Gardens but you would swear you were in 1930's Japan. Ahh, the magic of movies.

KING KONG
Watched the big screen version in the summer with my brother. King Kong deserves the best actor Oscar, (half)-seriously. I thought I was watching a 'real' 30-foot giant gorilla. Peter Jackson is brilliant. The computer graphics work for Gollum (Lord of the Rings) was first-rate, King Kong is stellar. Another 'love story' but stay for the T-Rex fight and Empire State Building Battle. A great summer popcorn movie now at my fingertips. Yes. Haven't even gone through the special features yet, love the 'behind-the-scenes' and 'making of' stuff. I should have been a director.

ROLL BOUNCE
If you lived your teenage years in the late 70's (like me), WATCH this movie. Surprisingly sweet, hilarious and nostalgic flick on the passages of youth. Reminds me of all the times me and the boys would cruise our Vallejo neighborhood during the summer on our bikes (ten speeds, not Harleys :), exploring, goofing off, just being kids, not a care in the world. The old school music takes me back to an innocent, memorable time. Makes you want to groove and put on those funky rollerskates that you know you owned but won't admit, and take one last skate around the rink. Retro is in. Time to get out my old Member's Only jacket and Angel Flight suit.

(pic: hehe, I couldn't resist :)

In the queue: John Legend Live at the House of Blues, Chris Rock: Never Scared, 24: Season 4.

CAPTURING MT. DIABLO

Great photo essay in the Contra Costa Times, a pictorial of Mt. Diablo in Danville. It's a hot spot for cyclists. In the times I've been there to ride, I never tire of the view from the top. It's a grueling, steady pace to the summit (some picnic-ers called me crazy and courageous) but the view of the emerald and caramel foothills and the sweeping valley below makes the effort easily forgotten. Breathtaking, a favorite spot for artists. On a clear day you can see the Golden Gate Bridge and the other mountain summits in Marin and the South Bay.

After I soak in the beautiful views and take a slow, deep breathe, I always love the next part, the fun part, my favorite part, what I always remember-the fast ride d-o-w-n.

Click Here to view photos

(pic: 'Western Slope, Mt. Diablo', by O. Quigley, Oil on linen)

HEY THERE!
(click 'Play')

SATURDAY SUN

Well I’m glad I don’t live on the East Coast where headline news warn of a blizzard coming through along with flights being canceled, lightning and a foot of snow expected. If you’re anywhere near the San Francisco Bay Area, you were probably out today enjoying the beautiful Spring-like weather, so many amazing places to go and see. It was 70 degrees here, a nice respite, so of course got out today. I love the warmth of the sun on my face, looking out over the water, it always brings a smile to my face. I watched a lone kayaker in the distance, wanting to be out there as well.

CITY LIGHTS & SUNRISE
I’m up late tonight, reading and journaling, looking out the window from the 30th floor of my hotel room in SF. It’s peaceful and quiet, far above the daily noise of city life far below. I love the city, this particular hotel. I love moments like these.

My thoughts drift to a dear friend of mine who is going through a painful time, grieving the recent loss of her dear friend and the difficult transition to gain back her footing and well being. At a loss for words, I told her to never give up, and promised her that things will work out, they always do. I now realize I said it not only for her, but for myself as well, knowing what it's like to go through an unbearable situation. I know her. She’s strong.

I woke to the sounds of church bells ringing in the distance below and the melodic voice of my 5 year-old and one her favorite sayings, “Wake up Daddy, it’s a Sunny Day!”

Both dark nights and sunny days are part of this life we live. Both will come, but we can live life one day at a time, knowing the dark nights won't last.

Have a Sunny Day!

-R

(pic 2: sunrise over the city)

HEAVEN
After I read my precious five year-old Gillian a favorite bedtime story, she said her prayers and I tucked her into bed. I watched as she drifted asleep, like an angel, but after a few moments, she opened her eyes, furrowed her eyebrows and inquisitively asked me, “Daddy…what’s heaven look like?”

A question like that melts a Daddy’s heart.

I whispered to her, “Heaven is the most beautiful place you could ever imagine, it’s always sunny and warm like Spring, there’s all kinds of pretty flowers and waterfalls and trees and you can run and play in the tall green grass all day long. All the houses are shiny and sparkly like glitter. You never get a tummy ache or an owee, you’re never sad, you never cry, you’re always happy and laughing and playing.

She asked, “How do you get there? Do you fly? Like angels with wings?”

“Umm, yes Honey.”

“Is Jesus there? Does he have wings too? Will I see him? I don’t want to see him by myself.”

“You won’t ever be by yourself. All the people who you love will be there too.”

“Like you and Mommy and my cousins, and Aunties and Uncles and friends from school?”

“Yes, Love.”

“And Granny and Grampy too.”

“Yes, Granny and Grampy too.”

“Thank you Daddy. Good night, I love you.”

“I love you too Sweetie, my Bella. Sweet dreams…”

HOPE

Busy day Saturday.

Attended an event in San Francisco sponsored by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society that recapped the latest findings from the Annual American Society of Hematology (ASH) Meeting. The ASH Conference is the premier event where the latest findings in the cutting edge research and treatment of blood cancers are presented. So it was a chance for me to catch up with the newest Emerging Therapies for blood cancers, particularly Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML).

On an informational level, I wanted to see the advances in treatment specifically for those who have become resistant to the medication I’m taking, Gleevec. Several months ago I became resistant to treatment, (relapsed/the cancer came back) so I’m now at the maximum dosage and doing fine. Because of cancer’s unpredictability, there’s always a chance that I may relapse again, so I wanted to know what other options were out there.

The lead presenter was Dr. Steven Coutre out of Stanford. This guy was sharp (and BTW, used a Mac for his presentation, I like him already.) A significantly detailed summary on the latest research of CML. If you were an organic chemist you’d feel right at home. Out of the jumble of terms such as BCR-abl, Philadelphia Chromosome, Cytogenetic, Chromosomal, Hematological, Primary Endpoint, progression and reduction, one stood out: Dasatinib.

Dasatinib is a drug specifically for patients who’ve become resistant to Gleevec. In clinical trials, it’s been extremely effective, 300 to 1000 times more potent than Gleevec in inhibiting the mechanism that triggers the leukemic cells to mutate and multiply. It’s already been filed (12/05) for the FDA’s approval in record time, and should be available to patients soon.

(pic: bcr-abl kinase, which causes CML in green, inhibited by small molecule Imatinib mesylate in red)

To summarize all that medical technobabble: this is extraordinarily great news! It means I have effective and optimistic options available should I need them.

It still isn’t considered a cure, rather controlling the progression of the disease but not eliminating it. He said that CML is the best type of leukemia to have because of the remarkable effectiveness of the treatments available that are well tolerated with very few serious side effects.

On the most intimate level, the reason I wanted to attend this event was because I was looking for hope and reassurance as I fight this crazy disease in my body. I found what I was looking for in a funny sounding drug, Dasatinib.

(note: healthwise, I’m doing fine. I have another round of tests next week so of course will keep everyone updated.)



We skipped out on the rest of the conference and went to lunch and shopping downtown on Market. The mall had a cool ‘Hello Kitty’ store so I took a couple of pics to show G. Traditionally, I’ll buy her a little pen/pencil/sticker set whenever there’s a store around.

Played basketball that evening, about 20 plus guys, closed gym, haven’t played since last summer. One of my favorite things to do. I sometimes get lost in the game, just enjoying the moment, the teamwork, the competition. In every moment lies some of my favorite memories: as a child, shooting hoops on my driveway court until the sun went down; pick up games on the courts around the neighborhood, here and in LA; staring out the bus window on the way to an out of town game, blasting EWF through my Walkman (remember those?) as part of my pregame ritual; crazy shots playing H-O-R-S-E with the boys; game after game during summer vacation on the inferno-like blacktop courts; the silence of the crowd as you shoot a free throw.

I’ll probably join a league this summer, should be enough time to get in playing shape. (I’m still sore from Saturday.) Maybe join a 40 and over league. Yikes, did I just say that! (still can't bring myself to write my Birthday post…)

Also can’t wait to starting teaching Gilly the basics, just like I was taught. She’s a lefty, who are typically pure shooters. Intrinsically, I think she may want to be a cheerleader instead of a player (she loves to sing and dance), but not if I can help it!

My friend knows the father of local girl swimmer who had a brilliant amateur career. He told me about a conversation he had with him. The father said that when she was young, he would always tell her “When you grow up, I want other people to be cheering for you first, not you cheering for other people.” She would later set American and International Records and become a legend at Cal Berkeley and recently won several Gold medals in Athens.

I tell Gillian this, but I don’t think she understands yet. Ultimately, I’m going to encourage her to do whatever she loves, to follow her heart, her passion, just like Daddy. ☺
(pic: "with the future athlete or cheerleader?")

(first pic: Dale Chihuly Glass Sculpture Ceiling, Bellagio Resort, Las Vegas)

ROCKING CHAIR

I can’t get this image out of my mind since last week. I read something that got me thinking (which is always dangerous.) So much to say lately but don’t know quite how to express it.

One of the things I use in setting goals and making decisions is taking the Rocking Chair Test. I imagine myself very old, like my beautiful grandma who will turn 91 in two days, mind still lucid and agile, still feisty, a life well-lived her way. I’m in the twilight of my life, sitting in my rocking chair on the terrace of my home on the beach. I feel the warmth of the sun on my face as the clear blue ocean waves splash on shore. I think about all the people who have touched my life, the challenges I’ve overcome, the many faraway places I’ve been, the things I’ve experienced, contributed and accomplished.

I then ask myself if there are other things I’ll regret not doing when I look back at my life from the vantage point of my Rocking Chair. Will I miss out on an entire lifetime of experience and joy because I didn’t want to take a step when I was young (now)? Will there be sadness because I never pursued opportunities, experiences, relationships? Or will I look back at those things with a sense of fulfillment and joy because I pursued my dreams and followed my heart. Will I have lived a life of passion with no regrets.

When I view things from this perspective it makes decisions a lot clearer, though not necessarily easy.

Something to think about…

Have an amazing day!

-R

MY NEW YEAR'S WISH FOR YOU

That Life would be an amazing adventure.
That your time is now, this day is your life.
That you won’t put off your best life.
That you’ll breathe in life deeply.
That each day, you’ll do something that makes your heart beat faster with joy.
That you’ll find moments that make your heart jump, that take your breath away.
That your dreams would become real.
That you’ll shine brilliantly.
That you’ll make every moment a work of art.
That you’ll get to the end with a smile.
That you’ll fall madly in love with life. Life is good.

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” –Thoreau

with Love and Passion.

-R

'SEIZE THE DAY'

Three years ago today I was DXed (medical speak: diagnosed) with Leukemia during my annual routine physical that turned out to be anything but. I have so much gratitude and appreciation for another string of 365 days that I’ve been given.

My latest medical tests came back normal, which means the cancer is still under control. I have another routine test in February. I’m so thankful for my health. Those living with cancer see their five year anniversary as significant in that it usually means you are in full remission. So the next year or two will be pivotal in that the normal pattern of this cancer shows either a stabilization of the disease at year five (good) or a resistance to the treatment and a degradation of health at year four or five (very very bad). That's only one year from now. Knowing this inspires me to live more fully.

In reflecting over the past year I smile and sigh in thinking how life is an unpredictable adventure. I’ve learned to treat every moment as precious, life is short. To be mindful of life, to breathe in life deeply. To be intentional in my actions. To live and love in real time, live with no regrets.

So much more to say…(more in my “New Year” and “Birthday” post which is already late...)

Carpe Diem.

-R (Pic: company banquet 12/05)

ALOHA!
My Team In Training teammates, after months of training, will be running in the Honolulu Marathon this weekend. Here's my shout out to them:

Aloha TNT Teammates!

This is Roman and I’m honored to be one of the team’s honorees. Congratulations on a great training season and for getting to the start line of the Honolulu Marathon, you’ve already accomplished so much.

I was born here in the city in which you are about to run. As a matter of fact, my birthday is this month (27th) and it happens to be my big 4-0. My maternal grandmother was full-blooded Hawaiian. I’ve lived on “the mainland” for most of my life but am proud to have a rich heritage of hospitality and beauty.

The word Aloha, recognized around the world as a Hawaiian greeting, means much more than “hi, how are you” or “see you later.” It comes from the Hawaiian word ha, which is the very essence of Hawaii. It means “breath of life.” So Aloha, though a simple act of greeting, is filled with deep and profound implications, literally translated, “may you have everlasting breath.”

In ancient times, Hawaiians would greet one another by pressing their foreheads together, nose-to-nose, and inhaling at the same time. This represented the exchange of ha, or “exchanging the breath of life.”

What a beautiful and sacred description of what you do as part of the Team In Training family! Your sacrifice, fundraising and commitment to the Cause is “exchanging the breath of life” with the thousands of people and families whose lives have been impacted by blood cancers.

Mahalo (thank you) from my family and I. Have a wonderful race, may you feel the Aloha spirit as you run.

Stay well.

-R

HEROES II
I was in the city on Saturday for the Team In Training (TNT) Pasta Party before the Nike Women’s Marathon. I was invited by the team as one of their honoree/patients. It was time for me to say thank you for the many wonderful participants who raise money for cancer research by completing an endurance event. There were over 4000 TNT participants, and an incredible $4 million+ raised from this event alone, that’s $140,000/mile!

AMAZING!
In his keynote address, Dwayne Howell, Leukemia and Lymphoma President and CEO remarked on how effective the medicine Gleevec is, 85% of CML patients have survived for over four years with manageable conditions and side effects. I’m one who is responding well to the treatment, going on three(!) years in January 2006. The most exciting part is that with the continuing research in complementary therapy (combining Gleevec with other drugs, a ‘drug cocktail’) that according to one of the Society’s senior staff, “in a few years there is the realistic belief that the greatest danger facing CML patients will be not buckling up (their seatbelt) to take a drive.” Hearing these updates that affect me personally brought tears to my eyes. With my daughter in my lap, I tried not to lose it with all my friends around the table.

VACCINE
They’re also making progress in developing a vaccine to restore the immune system of those having a bone marrow transplant, shortening part of the treatment and recovery from one month down to two weeks! A BMT is a very invasive, painful procedure and treatment with a lengthy recovery, where all your bad, cancerous blood is killed and replaced by new, good blood from another matching donor. The immune system is purposefully wiped out to allow the body to accept the new blood (simple explanation). The danger from infection is very high in the critical recovery period. Most deaths are not from the cancer, but from treatment-related infection and complications. Hopefully I’ll remain responsive to the Gleevec and won’t need a BMT, though I have a donor just in case. Shout out to my buddy Phil who’s in month three after his BMT. Love you man! That’s why TNTer’s are my heroes, they make research like this possible.


BARBIE
At the Season Kick Off, I told the dozens of new participants the story about my first Century Ride and my Pink Barbie Bandaid:
“Someone asked me what was the most memorable part of the ride. I have many, but one of the most memorable was also the worst part of my ride. Around mile 50 I started feeling what I had imagined riding a century would be like: fatigue, pain, the onset of cramps, legs which felt like stumps of dead wood, struggling into a headwind in my granny gear. I thought of these words I’d heard earlier “when you get to that point in the ride, enjoy it because you can.”

A couple of months earlier during a training ride, I injured myself on the bike and my daughter Gillian gave me a Barbie Bandaid for my ‘owee.’ Before the ride I stuck one of her pink Barbie band-aids on my handlebar stem as a touchstone, a reminder for my reason for riding. When things got tough, I gently touched it with my fingers and just kept pedaling through the pain and wind as I thought of my 2 year-old.

Cycling makes me feel alive. When I ride, there are unmistakable signs of life, my steady breathing, the tension in the muscles in my legs, the pounding of my heart. Even pain reminds me that I am alive. So I don’t view pain as an enemy, it’s only temporary. It’s a reminder of life, which is good.

What happened next is hard to explain. After a few miles I caught my second wind. Whether it was a endorphin or adrenalin or a tailwind I found myself cycling at speeds that were very fast for me, and pedaling was almost effortless, like I was floating. I wish I could ride that way all the time...”

Ashleigh and Cara of the San Francisco team surprised me by showing me a team “Spirit Cape” they made with the words ‘STRIVE’ spelled out with pink Barbie Bandaids! I was speechless and extremely touched by their gesture. I introduced them to Gillian, the inspiration of the Barbie Bandaids, which made the moment even more poignant.


What a wonderful evening. I saw so many old and new friends, too many to name, all heroes in my book. Love you guys! Go Team!

BEAUTY

Came across this in my reading:

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we know that life is difficult-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." -Dr. M Scott Peck

Trying to work this through especially in my life right now, though not there yet. One thing I do know, however, is that there is always beauty in the chaos, in the mess and the pain of life.

Beauty-'Bella'; like the plumeria, full of color, leaves unfolding, fragrance very exotic.

Simple, short entry for now. Lots more to say later.//

FIRST RAIN

First rain today of the season today. I guess I can let go of the last vestiges of a wonderful summer, put away the shorts and flip-flops and get out my sweaters and jackets. I’ll miss the warm sun on my face, but enjoy the cool crisp air of Fall, a harbinger of the holiday season.

I love the change of seasons. I’d be hard pressed to say which season I enjoy the most, so much to love about all of them. (If forced to choose, summer has a slight edge over fall.) Of course we all prefer one over the others, but they all seem to last the exact right amount of time. Just like in life.

Seasons in life make life interesting. There’s an awareness of constant growth, of inevitable change, of movement. Never boring, a predictable unpredictability.

One way to live to the fullest is to recognize that we all have a limited amount of seasons left to enjoy. If we only have, say, 20 more Fall Seasons left in life, what would we do THIS Fall Season. Would we take our children Trick or Treating or to the pumpkin patch, or wait until one of the next 19 seasons. See their first music recital, their first football game or wait until next year. Visit relatives during Thanksgiving or finally NOT visiting relatives, or wait to do it (or not do it) next year. Well, you get the picture. We may have 50 more Fall Seasons, or this may be our last. Motivating, sobering thought.

Already saw two accidents on the freeway this morning. Drive safe out there. You need to come back to those you love.

BOYS AND THEIR TOYS

My brother and I went to a General Motors car show today, where you can actually test drive cars and trucks out on a course without the hassle of a salesman breathing down you shoulder. Just pick a car, get in line, and drive! Granted it's not a race course, nor is it intended to be (no squeeling tires), but you get a good idea for how the car or truck performs and 'feels'. Some doofuses thought it was NASCAR and sped out of control into the safety cones. They lost their driving privileges (ie, got booted out.)

Lots of GM cars along with some of their competitors. Here's what I drove:

Hummer H3: Drove through an off-road SUV 'obstacle' course with hills, bends, ditches, mud. That was fun, pseudo four-wheeling. Nice manageable size, not too overbearing like its big brother H2. Handled the obstacles with aplomb. Comfortable cockpit and driver vantage point. Not much visibility inside, windows are more like slits, like gun turrets, but I'm sure I'd manage. Have to pick one up.

Lincoln Navigator: plush land yacht.

Ford SSR: Two seater, convertible truck, 390 HP(!). I must say I love the open air cockpit, sun on my face, wind in my hair (okay head). I think I need a convertible (though not this one), yes, need. Contributes to my joy. Imagine a cool sunny day, driving down the coast, favorite 'roadtrip' music playing. Practical? Maybe not. So what's your point?

Mercedes Benz E Series: Oh yes. Plush, powerful, smooth, quiet. Black. Extension from my feet and hands to the road. I like. A lot. Need to pick one up.

Lots of other cars on site that we didn't have the desire or time to drive: new Corvette, Pontiac Solstice, GTO, Saabs, BMWs, Cadillacs, SVTs, Escalades, Denalis, Acura TL, Lexus ES.

Sat (but didn't drive) an $80,000 Cadillac XLR Convertible (see pic.) Very nice. Fit like a glove. Need to pick one up.

Ask most guys how many cars they would own if money were no object and most would already have a dream stable of cars in their mind. An SUV, a sports sedan, a sports coupe, a hot rod, a touring convertible, a sports convertible, a truck-much to the chagrin of their women counterparts. But us guys don't understand why women need several black shoes and purses. Same thing, right?

My picks (for now):
SUV: Range Rover
Sports Sedan: MB CLS55 AMG
Sports Coupe: Ford Shelby GR1
Hot Rod: Custom Mustang GT
Convertible: Porsche Speedster
Truck: ?

All pewter grey. Ahh, boys and their toys.

A CUBICLE FOR YOU AND YOUR MUSE

There are places cropping up as uniquely writers' spaces. Check out this NY Times article. Oh man, that looks sweet. Quiet, focused, inspirational, what a great space. If one opened up nearby I'm there. Maybe I should add opening one up onto my "Life (To Do) List." I'm always on the lookout for spaces/places to write. My home office is sometimes too distracting, unless late at night when the house is quiet or I'm lost in music through my headphones. Starbucks is cool-energy, soy chai, WiFi-but sometimes too noisy to concentrate. The library is too sterile, doesn't inspire me and you can't bring snacks/(smart) water in. All my bookstores in the area have a serious electrical outlet deficiency, none in the in-store cafes. My Mac PowerBook can go about 3 hours on one (battery) charge so either a spare battery or plug in is needed. The hidden outlets I've found are labeled 'Store Use Only." Cheapos. They're losing a bevy of aspiring writers, authors, screenwriters, playwrights (and bloggers!)

Article excerpt: Hominess is part of the appeal at Paragraph; writers, after all, notoriously crave nurturing. But those who use this space have a practical reason to show up as well: to overcome the temptation to procrastinate, and to get down to the hard work of writing.
"When you write at home, there's a lot of distraction," Ms. Parisi said. "You want to go clean out the fridge, or tweeze your eyebrows. But when you go to a space to write, that's what you do."

Paragraph and the Writers Junction are part of a growing number of members-only centers springing up in writerly metropolises like New York, Boston and Los Angeles. For $100 a month, on average, members secure the right to a desk, a lamp and a power strip in a shared space where they can ply their trade day and night.
Ms. Parisi compares writers' rooms to gyms. In both, a large group of people share the same equipment. And, paying for membership helps writers take their commitment to writing seriously, she said, and gets them "off of the couch" and onto the literary StairMaster.

PEN GEEK

Because I read and write a lot I'm very particular about my pens and highlighters. I'm using the new Sharpie Accent RT Highlighters, I love them-they have a retractable clicker(!) which keeps it from drying out the pen. I'm notorious for misplacing caps. I've tossed all my other highlighters in the 'reject' box.

I'm on a quest to find the 'perfect' pen for me. The grip has to have a comfortable, tactile feel that isn't too large or thin to cramp my hands. It has to have some 'weight' and not feel too light and cheap. The nib has to glide and be a tiny bit 'porous' on the paper. I'm experimenting with either a .7 or 1.0 mm tip width. It should be affordable so that it's easily replaceable if lost. (I have a Mont Blanc that still sits in its case. Don't want to lose that or have my daughter get a hold of it for one of her 'projects.') I don't like ballpoints or Gel ink. They run out of ink too fast and the line width isn't uniform. Also, the pen needs a clicker, no cap. Black ink not blue.

Haven't found it yet, close, but not perfect. In the running: Bic Z4 Bold, Pilot PreciseGrip Broad, Uni-ball Signo RT 0.7, Pilot Precise Zing Fine. I spent half an hour at Office Depot just looking at different pens, reading package descriptions, and 'illegally' trying them out. What a geek.

Also love Sharpies. I've actually been on their website, looking for new releases. Most I've never seen in stores. There are Sharpies all over the house, in my tool box, in my cars, my backpacks/briefcases. You can never have too many Sharpies, always come in handy. I bought a huge pack (different colors) from Costco. Nice. The retractable (RT) black ones are a must-have. (See *SIDESTORY)

So my pen holder on my desk has a few different colored Sharpie highlighters, a bunch of the same brand of pens, one red-ink pen, a retractable click Sharpie RT, a twin-tip Sharpie, one mechanical pencil and an Exacto Pen (to cut out magazine articles, open DVDs etc.)

No one's allowed to use my pens/highlighters. They have to use one from the 'reject' box. I told you I was a pen geek. I don't know, I just like what I like.

(*SIDESTORY: So I used to work at a prestigious law firm in downtown San Francisco. They had a huge supply room staffed by four people. It was like Christmas morning there. You could basically walk in, browse the aisles, and take whatever you wanted-pens, highlighters, calendars, staplers, binders, Post-its, calculators, legal pads-lots of those of course-etc. EXCEPT for Sharpies. My coworkers said the company stopped supplying them and employees had to just buy them on their own. What?!

So I phoned The Keeper of the Goods, 'Mike' the Supply Manager and said I'm on a quest for a Sharpie and if he could help me track some down. He said come by, he had some. Yes!

When I went to triumphantly claim my booty, he looked me over somewhat suspiciously, slowly stood up from behind his desk, took out a keyring with dozens of keys, ceremoniously walked over to the 'locked' cabinets, and took out a fresh, unopened box of Sharpies.

But did he give me the entire box? Of course not. That would cost one of my kidneys. He slowly took out ONE Sharpie and said "Now these are the 'Twin Tip' Sharpies, with both a broad and fine point on one pen" as if to magnify the gravity of the moment. Unbelievable. What the...?

I finagled three out of him, much to the envy of my coworkers. Sheesh, I had to lock them in my desk. I guess I'm not the only Sharpie geek. The quest was more interesting than it should have been, but I can rest at night knowing those Sharpies are safe, locked in the cabinet.

I hope I won't get sued by them for posting this.)

MOVIE LIST-BATMAN RETURNS

The DVD came out today. Bought the widescreen, special edition of course. Full screen=anathema.

I love this movie. Christopher Nolan, Christian Bale and all the supporting actors got it right.

I remember seeing it in the theater this summer. Great movie theater, spacious, encompassing sound and an amazing movie crowd with me that night. For me, one of those summer blockbuster movie experiences you never forget, like Star Wars, the first Batman, T2, ET, The Matrix, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

Geek Alert: Favorite comic book movie before Spidey 2 and X-Men 2. More of a Batman Fan than a Superman fan. Like the smarts, cunning, dark side, gadgets of Batman over the Boy Scout Superman. Frank Miller's take on Batman, 'The Dark Knight Returns' is a must read. One of the best selling graphic novels of all time.

End Geek Alert.

MY FIRST TRIATHLON

Pacific Grove Triathlon, Monterey Bay, CA.

I've always wanted to do a triathlon. Since I didn't have the time to train this year (err, learn how to swim, that is), I decided to do the bike leg of a triathlon as part of a relay team. Stick my foot in the 'tri' waters, though not literally (this time anyway.)

Gorgeous, sunny, cool day. Biking the 3 miles in the early morning from the hotel to the race start was mesmerizing, sun just coming up, looking out over the Pacific Ocean.

Saw lots of my old Team In Training friends. Love them!

The energy and anticipation at these things are electric. Everyone's nervous, racking their bikes and setting up their gear before the race starts. All the racers gets marked before the race. They write your race number and age group category on your arms and legs with a black permanent marker. I felt 'official' after I got my numbers on.

Well, my friends said they were doing it for fun, and not for time. But once you get there, it is definitely a 'race.' A fun one, but a 'race' nonetheless. Waiting for our team member to get done with swim, I felt like a track relay member waiting for the baton to be passed. Actually, we do pass a 'baton' of sorts, the timing chip that wraps around your ankle.

So Elise our swimmer (stud), gets out of the water, we transfer the chip, and I go running off with my bike for my part of the relay. It felt so good to be out among the 2000+(!) racers. Everyone's not out on the course at the same time though, we start in different 'waves' 15 minutes apart, categorized by age/sex, etc.

Of course I was happy to be out there as a celebration of life, because I can.

That feeling lessened somewhat soon after, replaced by the pain in my legs, lungs and back. Riding in a tri is a lot different then riding a century. A century is about pacing yourself for a long day in the saddle, with enough rest stops as you need, pacelining, others riding in your group, enduring the pain and discomfort. A tri race is about going as fast and hard as you can, no stopping, pushing passed the sharp pain, staying aerodynamic, keeping your pedaling cadence constant. When I finally got off the bike, my legs felt like rubber, and I still had to run to where Raquel our runner (stud), was waiting for me to exchange the baton (chip).

I had so much fun and gave it my all. Gorgeous, flat course. Watching the waves break on the beach. Looking at the golfers on a pristine course. Hearing the cheers of well wishers. Needless to say I want to do it again. I'll definitely train more. Of course want a faster bike as well. Man, some of the guys (and gals) on the course were fast, zipping by as if they weren't even trying. Very awe inspiring. That will be me at my next race.

Elise and I waited at the finish line for Raquel. Yeah! We picked up our medals and hung around for a while to watch the Pros and other people finish. Devoured a chicken sandwich and enjoyed an ice cream cone afterwards (I deserved it.)

Just a great day.

HEROES

"Heroism is an act of utter selflessness and it is only through heroic acts that I believe one becomes truly great. While you may never have the opportunity of jumping into a swift river to pull out a small child or running into a blazing building to drag out a trapped family, you do on a daily basis have the opportunity of practicing the same form of selflessness as front-page heroes. -The Biology of Success, Dr. Bob Arnot

I consider the countless volunteers and participants of Team In Training among my heroes. They raise money for cancer research and services by participating in endurace events such as a marathons, triathlons, or bike century rides, many of them first-timers. Here's a letter I sent to the team.

October 2005

Hey SF/Marin Team!

This is Roman Seguerre, we may have met at the Honoree Breakfast or heard me speak at Kick Off about my battle with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML), a cancer of the blood where the white blood cells mutate and escalate out of control.

SHOUT OUT
I wanted to give you an update on how I’m doing and say thank you to all you endurance athletes. Yes, I’m talking to ALL of you! Whether you view yourself as one or not, you are. I’m proud to call you Team In Training Teammates, and stunned by the work you do training and raising money for the Cause.

You really do make a difference in my life. The money you raise helps fund the continuing research of Gleevec, the drug treatment that is keeping me alive.

I’ve enjoyed talking to many of you and sharing your stories, why you became involved with TNT. Some are so kind to view my journey with Leukemia as ‘heroic,’ but I must say we all have a heroic journey we must travel. The admiration is mutual.

OUCH! WHEW!
I’m finally recovered from my biannual Bone Marrow Biopsy, a little procedure where they extract a sample bone chip and marrow from my hipbone to test the efficacy of the drug. It’s more accurate and sophisticated than a simple blood test.

The tests results came back as normal(!), meaning that there were no cancer cells discovered in the blood and that my current treatment is keeping the cancer under ‘control.’ It’s not considered a cure, but delaying the progression of the disease.

BEAUTY
Cancer has given me a different perspective on life, counting everyday as a privilege. I often tell others to not wait until they face a life-threatening illness to finally cause them to live the life they’ve always wanted. Do what you love, with the people you love. Life is so short, so precious, even in difficult, numbing times.

Life is seldom easy. In fact, if you’re breathing, life can be undeniably painful at times. I know first hand. I’ve decided to never live in denial, but to allow myself to feel life deeply, truthfully, as it is. Even with the daily fact of cancer, I’ve found that there’s always beauty in the mess and chaos of life. Life is good.

DISNEYLAND LESSONS
I recently returned from a family trip to Disneyland, a favorite of my 4-½ year old daughter. On her first trip there about a year ago, upon entering the park, she was mesmerized by the ubiquitous souvenir stand there at the front entrance. As I excitedly hurried toward Main Street, pass the stand, she screamed, ‘No Daddy, Stop! Toys! I want a toy!” “Later Honey, we’re at Disneyland!” A very public mini-tantrum ensues. Of all places, weren’t we supposed to be at the “Happiest Place on Earth”? She didn’t understand that just a few feet farther opened up all the wonders of the Magic Kingdom, experiences etched in my childhood memories.

How often in life do we ‘settle’ for just loitering at the souvenir stand? In our diminished view of a life taken for granted, we’re content with the uninspired, unimportant trinkets of a routine, predictable life, when if we just pushed pass our fears, out of our comfort zone, we’d find the adventurous joy and wonder of a life we were meant to live, the life of our dreams.

Don’t settle. If you don’t love what you do, where you live, where you work, how you look, where you’re heading, how you’re growing, then make a change. Your time is limited. Don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Follow your heart. After all, it’s your life-you’re only life-that we’re talking about.

GO TEAM!
So congratulations! These past months you’ve all pushed passed your fears and self-doubt to train for your event. Last month I cheered and raced along with many of our fellow TNT-ers at the Pacific Grove Triathlon. The energy, excitement and spirit were overwhelming. Definitely felt the TNT Love.

You’ll find that same spirit at your race as well, something you’ll remember for the rest of your lives. Thanks for letting me share part of my story. I’ll see many of you at the Nike Halfers Send-Off Party and will be at the Nike Women’s Marathon Pasta Party in SF to cheer you on and to say thank you. Please come and say hello.

“When the morning’s freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles quiver under the strain, the climb seems endless, and, suddenly, nothing will go quite as you wish-it is then that you must not hesitate.” –Dag Hammarskjold, U.N. Secretary General, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

Stay well. Go Team!

Roman Seguerre

Me and a very happy princess. Disneyland Sept. 2005

IPOD VIDEO

Oh my. I want.

First the nano, now the new iPod (with video). You run out of superlatives for Steve Jobs and all the geniuses at Apple. (actually, will post a 'Switcher' entry soon and just started the book "iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business. So far a fascinating read.)

Like all Apple products, simple, beautifully designed and engineered with an elegant interface.

I have a 1GB Shuffle and a 3rd Generation iPod, but my iPod won't hold a charge for long. I'm waiting for the battery to be replaced by Apple due to a recent court settlement but may just upgrade to the new one, could really use the extra gigs of storage, already out of room on my 15 gig (lots of new audiobooks) and the video and bigger color screen is a nice bonus.

Who will win the war for my disposable (gadget) income this Christmas Season? Sony (PSP), Nintendo (DS), Apple (iPod), Microsoft (XBox 360), Motorola (Razr) or Ford (Mustang GT)? Toss up: iPod or Mustang (or both!)

PLAYLIST-Alicia & Maroon 5 Live

I picked up Alicia Keys' new CD/DVD, "Unplugged." I looove her/her music/songwriting. Caught her peformance on MTV Music Awards a few months back, she jammed it up live, full orchestra, arrangement so beautiful and moving.

"If I Ain't Got You" is one of my all time fav songs, in the pantheon which includes EWF and Chaka. Something about her music that moves me, like when you hear a certain song and it brings you back to a special time in your life.

I'm also listening to Maroon 5's new live CD/DVD. I mostly prefer Live albums, more synergy, spontaneity, freshness than studio work.

Stevie's got a new one out, sounds good. Time to download it off of iTunes.

CLOSE SHAVE

I shaved my head and goatee(!) off today. I'm big on rituals, traditions, milestones so I made it my own little ritual. I just needed/wanted a change, albeit brief. In the 13-ish years I'm been wearing a goatee, I've probably only shaved it off maybe three times.

When I picked up my daughter Gillian from preschool, I'll normally just watch her play or color for a few moments before I call her. This time she looked up, saw me, smiled, and continued coloring.

As I walked toward her, her face contorted and she exclaimed, "Daddy, why is your face so different? I thought you were someone else's Daddy!" She kept staring at me with a puzzled look, 'you look funny!' Even her teacher asked if I was the Daddy. She thought I was an uncle. Funny.

An informal poll shows that most like me with my goatee, but sans goatee makes me look younger. They're not use to seeing my lips or my 'Cindy Crawford' mole.

I'm growing it back but maybe keep it tighter. Sorry no pics. Wouldn't want to scare anyone.

I'M BACK

After a year long hiatus (hey life happens!), I'm going back to blogging. Lots to catch up. Rambles, mundane, sublime, observations, reflections.

Just saying that I'm back again after another year of life is a cause for celebration in itself. (see May 9, 2004 post)

HEALTH UPDATE

Sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while. After getting the news about my relapse, it's been hard for me to write, at least publicly. I've done quite a bit of journaling.

But here's the latest:

Great news. As far as my latest test results, so far so good. It came back negative, which is fabulous. The increased dosage of my targeted therapy (Gleevec) is working. But I am still waiting on the results for one other test, which is the most accurate.

I’ll try not to get too technical but there are basically three tests used to diagnose Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML), with increasing levels of sensitivity. First they look at the blood level (CBC Test), then at the cellular/chromosomal level (FISH Test) and finally, at the DNA/molecular level (PCR Test), the most sensitive and accurate test. I’ve come back negative on the first two tests (which is good) and will get the results from the PCR Test in about two weeks.

The best part is that because of my negative FISH Test, it is extremely unlikely that I will need aggressive treatment at this time(!) in the form of a Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT). There is the likelihood of residual disease, but even if the PCR Test comes back positive, the trace amounts would be extemely small so I’d still continue with Gleevec and not need a BMT.

There are still some issues that need to be resolved, we still don’t know the durability of remission and this still isn’t considered a cure, only the delaying of the disease's progression. But I'm so thankful for Gleevec, without it life would be much different for me.

So basically, I can get on with my life. I’ve gotten a second chance (actually a third chance.)

Life is short. Life is good.

BACK ON THE BIKE

I was out riding on today, the first time in a while. Everyone's babying me, saying I should rest because of the fatigue and side effects of my meds but I just had to go out. In some ways they were right, it was harder than I anticipated and I had to cut short my normal loop.

At one point in the ride, fighting fatigue, I asked myself, "why am I doing this again?" The answer inevitably comes back, "because I can." Cycling has become so enjoyable to me. I love the way the world looks on a bike, the way it moves by. Distractions of life disappear, and I get to experience the sense of silence that's so important in this fast-paced life. Even the suffering aspect of cycling--my labored breath, the fatigue in my legs, the sense of my pounding heartbeat--reminds me that I'm alive and I'm so thankful for that.

Part of my route includes a portion of road that has a beautiful view of the water but also a "No Bicycling Allowed" sign, but with no explanation added. So I did my civic duty and ignored the sign, thinking it would be no big deal. A few minutes later a security guard behind a fence yelled "no biking." I smiled and just kept riding, albeit I picked up the pace a little bit, (okay, a lot). I was waiting for him to catch me with his car but to no avail. Even in my tired state he was no match for me. Just kidding, he probably thought I wasn't worth the effort. I can't wait to go by there again.

THE "L" WORD

I believe life is all about the "L" word. Here's some quotes I came across in my reading. Enjoy.

"Someday, after we have mastered
the winds, the waves, the tide
and gravity, we shall harness for God
the energies of love.
Then, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881 - 1955)

"Take away love and our earth is a tomb."
-Robert Browning

JAZZ MARATHON

The JVC Jazz Festival was in town, Jean and I took the plunge. Five acts over 7 hours, egads.

Worth it.

The line-up included Gerald Albright, Jeff Lorber, Richard Elliot, Lee Ritenour,
Rick Braun, Dave Koz, Wayman Tisdale, Jonathan Butler and drummers Rayford Griffin and Ricky Lawson, all heavies in the jazz and music scene.

Wayman's a former NBA player (and all-star I think). He turned his passion for music into a post-NBA career. Plays a mean bass guitar, clean tones and grooves hard. He's legit now. The show ended with Earth Wind & Fire's cover, "Can't Hide Love," which I was hoping they'd play. I was up off my seat. Last Friday we had two free tickets to see EWF at the same venue but we couldn't use them because we were travelling to Disneyland. I actually considered leaving for L.A. right after the show and driving through the night. It pained me not to see them but I had to get my little girl to the Happiest Place on Earth.

Gerald Albright plays a mean axe, they were doing a tribute to Grover Washington Jr. A definite crowd pleaser.

The main reason why we went to the show was to see Jonathan Butler, one of my all time favorite artists. I've been waiting for him to play in the Bay Area. He didn't disappoint. Classical guitar, smooth vocals, soulful and spiritual, entertaining savvy.

One of my life's edicts is "Do What You Love." Listening to good music that moves me is one of them.

TIME OFF

I took an extended leave from work starting today. They were totally supportive and kept my status open with an option to come back on my own time frame.

I want to use this time to spend more time with Gilly as well as take care of other personal, medical and legal things and just doing things that I love to do. Gilly will still be in school for the next two weeks and then we'll take her out for the time being. I'm hoping to take a personal retreat and get away for a few days by myself and do some reading, writing and riding. I'm also going to try to meet with other doctors and get a second opinion on my course of options.

Hopefully things will turn out well but I didn't want to regret not taking the time off.

THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

I love Disneyland so I couldn't wait to bring Gillian for her first time. G was a little overwhelmed at first but her expressions of wonder and joy on "It's a Small World" were worth the trip. She took pictures with and got autographs from her favorite princesses Snow White and Belle and also Stitch and Minnie. Other characters she was scared of.

Her favorite part of Disneyland (actually California Adventure) was running through the water fountains. Hundreds of dollars and and hundreds of miles travelled and she's having the most fun just getting wet. We could have stayed home and turned on the sprinklers. Actually, there's Disney Playhouse and A Bug's Life 3D Adventure and lots of other things for kids so she had a blast. She was so cute wearing those oversized 3D glasses and swiping at the air in front of her trying to catch the 3D bug.

Gillian wasn't feeling well so her planned afternoon nap back at the hotel turned into an overnight sleep. So I ended going back to Disneyland by myself in the evening. It was fine by all parties. I was like a kid again, waiting in line on rides, walking through the crowds, stopping on Main Street to watch the fireworks, combing through dozens of Disney trinkets and T-shirts. I loved it.

Next fall we're having a big family reunion at Disneyland, with most of my relatives flying in from Hawaii. Can't wait.

SOLD OUT

I went to Niketown in the city to pick up some more Lance Armstrong LiveStrong wristbands and they were all sold out and not expecting any more in.

Apparently they have become quite popular since celebrities and pro athletes started wearing them. Some people are selling them on ebay for a ridiculous profit (the wristbands are to raise money for cancer research you losers.)

I see them a lot more now. Luckily I have a few extra ones. I wear mine every day. It's a very personal reminder to me to squeeze the life out of everyday I've been given. A very simple, inexpensive object but one of the most precious things I own.

ZOO

I brought Gillian to the San Francisco Zoo today. With everything that's going on with my health, it was one of the most memorable days I've ever had, just being with my girl who I love dearly.

BAD NEWS

My latest routine blood work test came back positive, which means the cancer (Chronic Mylegenous Leukemia) is back. I was in remission for about a year. There was a 5-6% chance that the cancer would mutate and develop a resistance to the treatment (Gleevec).

They've doubled my dosages to aggressively go after the leukemia and in about a month I'll have another bone marrow biopsy to see if I've responded well or not. Experiencing nausea, headache and fatigue though nothing debilitating.

If the tests show no traces of leukemia cells I'll remain on the present treatment and things will be back to "normal". If there are still cancerous cells remaining, then I'll meet with Stanford doctors to discuss and prepare for a bone marrow transplant. I’m having my brother and sister tested for a donor match.

My oncologist is hopeful that I’ll respond well to my current treatment and there won’t be a need for a transplant at this time. We’ll face that when/if the time comes.

It was quite a shock but I've known there was that possibility so I've been preparing myself in some ways. We're doing okay, feeling strong, positive and hopeful as much as we can though Gillian senses something is not quite right.

Time to brawl.

QUOTABLE

Kid's say the cutest things. Last night while putting Gillian to bed I went out to get a glass of water, hoping she'd be asleep by the time I came back. After five minutes I came back to find her under the covers, hide and seek style, waiting for me to come back to surprise/scare me.

I said to her "you were hiding under there the whole time I was gone?" She replied, "yeah, I was waiting, I can't breathe under there."

Too funny.

The other night she fell asleep on her side, hands together supporting her face. She looked like an angel. I just sat there and watched her sleep peacefully and suddenly found myself tearing up, she looked so beautiful.

I don't know where that came from, but I think it welled up because of how thankful I am to finally have such a precious gift, and that I'm around to watch her grow up.