Saturday, July 31, 2004

MOVIE NIGHT

Saw Bourne Supremacy starring Matt Damon. We've read and loved Robert Ludlum's books that the movie is taken from, and we loved the first movie.


If you liked the first movie, you'll like this one. "Realistic," plausible action, intelligent cat and mouse games, anchored with emotional weight. Not an easy combination to achieve. Punishing fight and car chase scenes, up there with the best, Ronin. Dissimilar to the Bond movies of the genre. Bond is glitzy, over the top, tongue in cheek, rogue and debonair. Bourne is gritty, savvy, resourceful, everyman and conflicted.


HAMMERHEADS

Today I finally found the courage to ride with the Benicia Bike Club, our city's local club. I see them all the time, a pack of them riding in their red and yellow jerseys on the same road I train on. They've invited me to ride with them on different occassions, all of which I've declined, until today.

The "President" of the club assured me that there are different ranges of ability on the team. I would soon find out that those ranges are "fast" and "faster." Some of the guys actually race. I wasn't worried about them, I just wanted to keep up.

We started out with a "friendly" pace that soon kicked into a competitive "race" pace. Gaps started forming among the riders as the fastest riders pushed far up the road. I was doing all I could just to hang on to the wheel of the guy in front of me. These guys were really fast, I was impressed. They dropped me after only four miles but I was exhilirated. I've never gone that fast for that long.


What may have been embarrassing for others was motivating for me. Know I knew what I was up against and what I needed to do to get to the next level.

So here's the plan: back to spin class, watch the diet, get strong and ride a lot. I promptly went home and said, "Hon, I need a new bike." (Even though I have a nice bike that's practically brand new. It's one of the symptoms of being a cyclist, the perpetual search for the fastest, lightest, newest bike.)

There's hope, we met one of the guys who use to be at my level, the pack would leave him in the dust. Now, two years later, he's one of the strongest and on that day, he was the first to the finish.


Friday, July 30, 2004

GRADUATION DAY

Our daughter Gillian is 3 1/2 years old, and "graduating" from her preschool to the next "grade."

This is our first taste of school events so I was pretty excited to attend. This is the reason we parents spend hundreds of dollars on digital cameras and camcorders (I borrowed my brothers to record the event.)

She was so precious in her pint-size red cap and gown marching and singing with her classmates (though she wouldn't keep her cap on.) (NOTE: if someone knows how to post pictures on this blog, please contact me, my latest attempts were futile.)

They sang, danced, got awards and a completion certificate. At the end of the ceremony, they raffled off toys and other prizes. She/we won a gift certificate to use toward next season's tuition. Of course that didn't impress Gillian too much, she wanted a TOY! (to stave off a meltdown I later took her to Toys R Us to buy her a graduation gift, where she picked out a Lil Bratz doll.)

Here's the kicker, during the ceremony, right when her name is called to pick up her diploma, the camera battery DIES. Un-be-lievable.

Well, at least I have her other classmates doing ballet and cheerleading, sheesh.

So much for posterity sake, though at least we can frame her diploma along with her picture.

Eighteen years from now, we'll be watching her in another red cap and gown, graduating with honors from Stanford.

Monday, July 26, 2004

LEARNING CURVE

I started to list some of the things I've learned (or am learning) ever since I was diagnosed. I stopped at about two dozen, here are some of them:

- Figure out what the important things in your life are and give your time, energy and attention to them.
- Never leave things unsaid.
- Put fear into perspective, don't let it immobilize you, just do it.
- Spread the love, life's all about the "L" word.
- Stay healthy, be around to play catch with your kids.
- Spend a part of everyday doing something you love. Feed your soul & spirit.

- Learn how to say no, you don't have time to do everything.
- Safety is overrated, take risks. Security and comfort can limit new opportunities and experiences.
- Let go. Forgive. Bitterness and anger is wasted emotional energy.
- It's never too late to be what you might have been. Find a way, make it happen, follow your heart.

Question: You only have two years to live. What will you do with these last years?
Question: You just won the $100 million jackpot. What will you do with the rest of your life?
GLORY DAYS

About a dozen of us got together for our monthly basketball get together at the city gym. We always have a great run no matter who shows up and today was no different. Some of my "nephews" (my cousins' sons) are in town for the summer and came to play. These are kids in their teens and early twenties.

I'm amazed at how good they've become along with the inevitable comparisons of me and some of the crew when we were their age. (Of course there is no comparison, we would have thumped them bad.) Back in the "glory days" we used to spend most of the summer playing ball wherever their was a game. The heat radiating from the blacktop didn't matter, we would play for hours on end against all comers. Nowadays my playing time is much more calculated, restrained and savvy. With age comes wisdom.

After the game some of the older cousins started teaching the younger ones about different aspects of the game that they might have overlooked, both "tricks" and fundamentals. In particular, one of my nephews really showed promise and I asked him if he's trying out for his high school team (he's a junior). Being that his school is usually one of the best in Southern California, he was a little uncertain because of his size and other seeming difficulties. I told him that he should try out anyway for the experience even if he doesn't make the team, you never know what kind of growth spurt he may have the following year. I also told him that when I played in high school I wasn't the tallest but made up for it in other ways. (I was the team captain but our team was pretty mediocre, I'll blame it on poor coaching.)

I hope he trys out. These types of things at his age will leave a huge impression on him in the years to come.

It seems the older people get, the more they talk about the good ol' days or the "glory days." I think it's okay when those good times are stored away in people's memories to be relived as a catalyst for living today. I guess I mean to say that looking back at our good memories bring joy and energy for creating new ones today.

Monday, July 19, 2004

TIME

My brother finished transferring my wedding video from VHS tape to DVD. I can't even recall the last time I watched it.

It was very poignant to basically watch a moving time capsule from 15 years ago, November 4, 1989.

Of course the first thing you notice is how young (and thin) everyone looks, like we were just kids. Some people had a lot more hair back then, and I'm not only talking about the groom (side note: in informal polls throughout the years, the overwhelming majority say I look better without hair, than with it. Vote now.)

As the camera scanned the audience we were struck by the effect time had on people, not necessarily aging, but seeing where these same people were 15 years later, today.

Some are no longer with us on earth, having passed away, their image on video a reminder of their more vibrant self.

Some couples are no longer together, the strain of divorce having taken it's toll, once happily married, now living apart, out of love.

Some have been out of touch all these years, their well being and current residence unknown to us.

Ironically, the recorded video of a joyous occasion was tinged with sadness and regret on what once was and now is no longer, a reminder of the brevity of life and to live each day to its fullest.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

PLAYLIST

Here's what's getting the most play on my iPod these days:

Fred Hammond, "Somethin Bout Love" - I listen to this constantly, new school gospel. Favorite cut, "Lord We Need Your Love" with guest artists, Marvin Winans and Brian McKnight.

Alicia Keys, "The Diary of Alicia Keys"- a good friend turned me on to her new album, it gets a lot of rotation. Soulful, passionate. Favorite cut, "If I Ain't Got You." Top Ten All Time.

Chopin, "Nocturnes" especially No. 15 in F minor and Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" - keeps me centered and renewed.

Earth Wind and Fire, any album - my all time favorite band.

Monday, July 12, 2004

THE CULT OF iPOD

I love my iPod (right up there with my Tivo.) To carry my entire music collection with me wherever I go and call up my favorites songs, not to mention lecutures and seminars, is sublime. It's dangerous that iTunes makes it so easy to download those songs that you "need." I've got about 2000 songs on it so far, which is nothing compared to some friends of mine.

When I see others on the BART or walking in the city with their white headphones, there's that knowing look, a kind of "secret handshake" look, like we have something that others don't know about. Of course everyone knows about it, it's driving Apple's profits right now. And most have seen the "dancing" ads and commercial. Steve Jobs is genius.


It's like having your own personal soundtrack of your life. I like to ease into my mornings so the morning BART commute is usually some classical stuff or meditative groove. But once I ascend out of the station into the bustling energy of the City, I switch to my thumping urban mix or old school jams. After a hard day's work, the commute home is usually jazzy stuff and R&B to wind down and get ready for my favorite part of the day, walking into the house to be greeted by "Daddy!"


Now it's become ritual when leaving the house: keys, wallet, cell phone and iPod.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

SPIDERMAN

Saw the real Spiderman today, not Tobey Maguire at theaters, but Joel Cortez, my brother-in-law at the rock climbing gym, Touchstone Concord. He works at their gym in San Francisco and came down to take a few of us indoor rock climbing.

It was fun but harder than it looks. We took our turns on various routes than watched Joel show us how it's supposed to be done which made us look more like the amateurs we are. According to Joel, it's not about brute strength but also agility, center of gravity, positioning, and using your legs not only your arms and shoulders. When he's not climbing indoors, he's traveling around to National Parks across the country to do the real thing outdoors.

We plan to climb again soon.


Friday, July 09, 2004

COUNTRY

Well my reflective side hit me harder today than yesterday. I think it was precipated by my calling my oncologist to set up my next appointment.

I can't believe it's been a year. Somtimes it's so surreal, like it never happened. Other times it's so vivid like it happened yesterday.

Here's the lyrics to a very timely song, "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw that my friend Joe brought to my attention. This is a first, I'm actually posting a country song on my site. Who'd have thought that would ever happen?

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do


and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.


He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again


Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?


Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named BluManchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying


Thursday, July 08, 2004

CARPE DIEM

One year ago today I received the results from my latest bone marrow biopsy. The tests came back negative, my leukemia was in remission.

So July 8 gets added to my list of most important dates along with birthdays, Christmas and my anniversary, among other dates. I'm thinking of something to do or a tradition to start to remember the day. A party of some sort seems to be in order. Last year, after hearing the news, some of the boys spontaneously came by the house with champagne and cigars. It was my first stogie, and along with the champagne, just finished Japanese buffet, not to mention my medication...well, I practically slept in the bathroom all night.

I took the day off from work today and since Jean has the week off, we had a nice breakfast at the cafe down the street. I thought I'd be in an overly reflective, contemplative mood today but nothing more than usual. I actually feel like taking a bike ride or going to see Spidey 2. I'm sure I'll actually do some things around the house, especially with Jean in one of her focused, "Home Depot" moods, look out. Ahh, such is life.

And what a life it is.

"Cancer might rob you of that blissful ignorance that once led you to believe that tomorrow stretched forever. In exchange, you are granted the vision of seeing each day as precious, a gift to be used richly and wisely." -US National Cancer Institute

Monday, July 05, 2004

LIVE STRONG

Well, the Tour De France has started and Lance Armstrong is bidding for his unprecedented sixth yellow jersey. The TDF along with March Madness, the Masters and U.S. and British Opens are events when I get to use my "Daddy Gets Control of the TV" privileges. Not even the NBA Finals get that honor (especially after this year's Lakers fiasco, another post.)

I went down to Niketown last week during lunch and picked up some yellow "Live Strong" Lance wristbands. It's to raise money for the Lance Armstrong Foundation and show your support for Lance and cancer patients and survivors. Of course you'll see Lance along with other riders on the Tour sporting the wristband. Other Nike athletes are also wearing theirs in support.

When Jean gave one to a coworker who had supported my century ride, she found out that her brother is a huge Lance fan and he and his wife are actually going to France to watch the tour. Very cool, I'll need to put that on my Things To Do List.

I met someone at work after he spotted me wearing mine. He's a cancer survivor and cyclist who actually rode in Lance's Ride for the Roses charity ride in Texas just weeks after chemo. So far he has five(!) bikes and also rides to work. When I'm out in the city during lunch, I get questions about it and also "nice wristband" remarks from other people in the know.

Gotta represent, you know.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

CONTACTS

I picked up contact lenses today. Once I get used to willingly sticking a small, foreign object into my eyes, I can play ball, swim and bike without being impeded. I can also buy sunglasses without the added expense and hassle of prescription lenses. (Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George loses his glasses and has to wear his prescription swimming goggles instead. Hilarious.)

I'll keep by specs though for when I want to look smarter, err, more intelligent, than I actually am.