ALOHA!
My Team In Training teammates, after months of training, will be running in the Honolulu Marathon this weekend. Here's my shout out to them:

Aloha TNT Teammates!

This is Roman and I’m honored to be one of the team’s honorees. Congratulations on a great training season and for getting to the start line of the Honolulu Marathon, you’ve already accomplished so much.

I was born here in the city in which you are about to run. As a matter of fact, my birthday is this month (27th) and it happens to be my big 4-0. My maternal grandmother was full-blooded Hawaiian. I’ve lived on “the mainland” for most of my life but am proud to have a rich heritage of hospitality and beauty.

The word Aloha, recognized around the world as a Hawaiian greeting, means much more than “hi, how are you” or “see you later.” It comes from the Hawaiian word ha, which is the very essence of Hawaii. It means “breath of life.” So Aloha, though a simple act of greeting, is filled with deep and profound implications, literally translated, “may you have everlasting breath.”

In ancient times, Hawaiians would greet one another by pressing their foreheads together, nose-to-nose, and inhaling at the same time. This represented the exchange of ha, or “exchanging the breath of life.”

What a beautiful and sacred description of what you do as part of the Team In Training family! Your sacrifice, fundraising and commitment to the Cause is “exchanging the breath of life” with the thousands of people and families whose lives have been impacted by blood cancers.

Mahalo (thank you) from my family and I. Have a wonderful race, may you feel the Aloha spirit as you run.

Stay well.

-R

HEROES II
I was in the city on Saturday for the Team In Training (TNT) Pasta Party before the Nike Women’s Marathon. I was invited by the team as one of their honoree/patients. It was time for me to say thank you for the many wonderful participants who raise money for cancer research by completing an endurance event. There were over 4000 TNT participants, and an incredible $4 million+ raised from this event alone, that’s $140,000/mile!

AMAZING!
In his keynote address, Dwayne Howell, Leukemia and Lymphoma President and CEO remarked on how effective the medicine Gleevec is, 85% of CML patients have survived for over four years with manageable conditions and side effects. I’m one who is responding well to the treatment, going on three(!) years in January 2006. The most exciting part is that with the continuing research in complementary therapy (combining Gleevec with other drugs, a ‘drug cocktail’) that according to one of the Society’s senior staff, “in a few years there is the realistic belief that the greatest danger facing CML patients will be not buckling up (their seatbelt) to take a drive.” Hearing these updates that affect me personally brought tears to my eyes. With my daughter in my lap, I tried not to lose it with all my friends around the table.

VACCINE
They’re also making progress in developing a vaccine to restore the immune system of those having a bone marrow transplant, shortening part of the treatment and recovery from one month down to two weeks! A BMT is a very invasive, painful procedure and treatment with a lengthy recovery, where all your bad, cancerous blood is killed and replaced by new, good blood from another matching donor. The immune system is purposefully wiped out to allow the body to accept the new blood (simple explanation). The danger from infection is very high in the critical recovery period. Most deaths are not from the cancer, but from treatment-related infection and complications. Hopefully I’ll remain responsive to the Gleevec and won’t need a BMT, though I have a donor just in case. Shout out to my buddy Phil who’s in month three after his BMT. Love you man! That’s why TNTer’s are my heroes, they make research like this possible.


BARBIE
At the Season Kick Off, I told the dozens of new participants the story about my first Century Ride and my Pink Barbie Bandaid:
“Someone asked me what was the most memorable part of the ride. I have many, but one of the most memorable was also the worst part of my ride. Around mile 50 I started feeling what I had imagined riding a century would be like: fatigue, pain, the onset of cramps, legs which felt like stumps of dead wood, struggling into a headwind in my granny gear. I thought of these words I’d heard earlier “when you get to that point in the ride, enjoy it because you can.”

A couple of months earlier during a training ride, I injured myself on the bike and my daughter Gillian gave me a Barbie Bandaid for my ‘owee.’ Before the ride I stuck one of her pink Barbie band-aids on my handlebar stem as a touchstone, a reminder for my reason for riding. When things got tough, I gently touched it with my fingers and just kept pedaling through the pain and wind as I thought of my 2 year-old.

Cycling makes me feel alive. When I ride, there are unmistakable signs of life, my steady breathing, the tension in the muscles in my legs, the pounding of my heart. Even pain reminds me that I am alive. So I don’t view pain as an enemy, it’s only temporary. It’s a reminder of life, which is good.

What happened next is hard to explain. After a few miles I caught my second wind. Whether it was a endorphin or adrenalin or a tailwind I found myself cycling at speeds that were very fast for me, and pedaling was almost effortless, like I was floating. I wish I could ride that way all the time...”

Ashleigh and Cara of the San Francisco team surprised me by showing me a team “Spirit Cape” they made with the words ‘STRIVE’ spelled out with pink Barbie Bandaids! I was speechless and extremely touched by their gesture. I introduced them to Gillian, the inspiration of the Barbie Bandaids, which made the moment even more poignant.


What a wonderful evening. I saw so many old and new friends, too many to name, all heroes in my book. Love you guys! Go Team!

BEAUTY

Came across this in my reading:

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we know that life is difficult-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters." -Dr. M Scott Peck

Trying to work this through especially in my life right now, though not there yet. One thing I do know, however, is that there is always beauty in the chaos, in the mess and the pain of life.

Beauty-'Bella'; like the plumeria, full of color, leaves unfolding, fragrance very exotic.

Simple, short entry for now. Lots more to say later.//

FIRST RAIN

First rain today of the season today. I guess I can let go of the last vestiges of a wonderful summer, put away the shorts and flip-flops and get out my sweaters and jackets. I’ll miss the warm sun on my face, but enjoy the cool crisp air of Fall, a harbinger of the holiday season.

I love the change of seasons. I’d be hard pressed to say which season I enjoy the most, so much to love about all of them. (If forced to choose, summer has a slight edge over fall.) Of course we all prefer one over the others, but they all seem to last the exact right amount of time. Just like in life.

Seasons in life make life interesting. There’s an awareness of constant growth, of inevitable change, of movement. Never boring, a predictable unpredictability.

One way to live to the fullest is to recognize that we all have a limited amount of seasons left to enjoy. If we only have, say, 20 more Fall Seasons left in life, what would we do THIS Fall Season. Would we take our children Trick or Treating or to the pumpkin patch, or wait until one of the next 19 seasons. See their first music recital, their first football game or wait until next year. Visit relatives during Thanksgiving or finally NOT visiting relatives, or wait to do it (or not do it) next year. Well, you get the picture. We may have 50 more Fall Seasons, or this may be our last. Motivating, sobering thought.

Already saw two accidents on the freeway this morning. Drive safe out there. You need to come back to those you love.

BOYS AND THEIR TOYS

My brother and I went to a General Motors car show today, where you can actually test drive cars and trucks out on a course without the hassle of a salesman breathing down you shoulder. Just pick a car, get in line, and drive! Granted it's not a race course, nor is it intended to be (no squeeling tires), but you get a good idea for how the car or truck performs and 'feels'. Some doofuses thought it was NASCAR and sped out of control into the safety cones. They lost their driving privileges (ie, got booted out.)

Lots of GM cars along with some of their competitors. Here's what I drove:

Hummer H3: Drove through an off-road SUV 'obstacle' course with hills, bends, ditches, mud. That was fun, pseudo four-wheeling. Nice manageable size, not too overbearing like its big brother H2. Handled the obstacles with aplomb. Comfortable cockpit and driver vantage point. Not much visibility inside, windows are more like slits, like gun turrets, but I'm sure I'd manage. Have to pick one up.

Lincoln Navigator: plush land yacht.

Ford SSR: Two seater, convertible truck, 390 HP(!). I must say I love the open air cockpit, sun on my face, wind in my hair (okay head). I think I need a convertible (though not this one), yes, need. Contributes to my joy. Imagine a cool sunny day, driving down the coast, favorite 'roadtrip' music playing. Practical? Maybe not. So what's your point?

Mercedes Benz E Series: Oh yes. Plush, powerful, smooth, quiet. Black. Extension from my feet and hands to the road. I like. A lot. Need to pick one up.

Lots of other cars on site that we didn't have the desire or time to drive: new Corvette, Pontiac Solstice, GTO, Saabs, BMWs, Cadillacs, SVTs, Escalades, Denalis, Acura TL, Lexus ES.

Sat (but didn't drive) an $80,000 Cadillac XLR Convertible (see pic.) Very nice. Fit like a glove. Need to pick one up.

Ask most guys how many cars they would own if money were no object and most would already have a dream stable of cars in their mind. An SUV, a sports sedan, a sports coupe, a hot rod, a touring convertible, a sports convertible, a truck-much to the chagrin of their women counterparts. But us guys don't understand why women need several black shoes and purses. Same thing, right?

My picks (for now):
SUV: Range Rover
Sports Sedan: MB CLS55 AMG
Sports Coupe: Ford Shelby GR1
Hot Rod: Custom Mustang GT
Convertible: Porsche Speedster
Truck: ?

All pewter grey. Ahh, boys and their toys.

A CUBICLE FOR YOU AND YOUR MUSE

There are places cropping up as uniquely writers' spaces. Check out this NY Times article. Oh man, that looks sweet. Quiet, focused, inspirational, what a great space. If one opened up nearby I'm there. Maybe I should add opening one up onto my "Life (To Do) List." I'm always on the lookout for spaces/places to write. My home office is sometimes too distracting, unless late at night when the house is quiet or I'm lost in music through my headphones. Starbucks is cool-energy, soy chai, WiFi-but sometimes too noisy to concentrate. The library is too sterile, doesn't inspire me and you can't bring snacks/(smart) water in. All my bookstores in the area have a serious electrical outlet deficiency, none in the in-store cafes. My Mac PowerBook can go about 3 hours on one (battery) charge so either a spare battery or plug in is needed. The hidden outlets I've found are labeled 'Store Use Only." Cheapos. They're losing a bevy of aspiring writers, authors, screenwriters, playwrights (and bloggers!)

Article excerpt: Hominess is part of the appeal at Paragraph; writers, after all, notoriously crave nurturing. But those who use this space have a practical reason to show up as well: to overcome the temptation to procrastinate, and to get down to the hard work of writing.
"When you write at home, there's a lot of distraction," Ms. Parisi said. "You want to go clean out the fridge, or tweeze your eyebrows. But when you go to a space to write, that's what you do."

Paragraph and the Writers Junction are part of a growing number of members-only centers springing up in writerly metropolises like New York, Boston and Los Angeles. For $100 a month, on average, members secure the right to a desk, a lamp and a power strip in a shared space where they can ply their trade day and night.
Ms. Parisi compares writers' rooms to gyms. In both, a large group of people share the same equipment. And, paying for membership helps writers take their commitment to writing seriously, she said, and gets them "off of the couch" and onto the literary StairMaster.

PEN GEEK

Because I read and write a lot I'm very particular about my pens and highlighters. I'm using the new Sharpie Accent RT Highlighters, I love them-they have a retractable clicker(!) which keeps it from drying out the pen. I'm notorious for misplacing caps. I've tossed all my other highlighters in the 'reject' box.

I'm on a quest to find the 'perfect' pen for me. The grip has to have a comfortable, tactile feel that isn't too large or thin to cramp my hands. It has to have some 'weight' and not feel too light and cheap. The nib has to glide and be a tiny bit 'porous' on the paper. I'm experimenting with either a .7 or 1.0 mm tip width. It should be affordable so that it's easily replaceable if lost. (I have a Mont Blanc that still sits in its case. Don't want to lose that or have my daughter get a hold of it for one of her 'projects.') I don't like ballpoints or Gel ink. They run out of ink too fast and the line width isn't uniform. Also, the pen needs a clicker, no cap. Black ink not blue.

Haven't found it yet, close, but not perfect. In the running: Bic Z4 Bold, Pilot PreciseGrip Broad, Uni-ball Signo RT 0.7, Pilot Precise Zing Fine. I spent half an hour at Office Depot just looking at different pens, reading package descriptions, and 'illegally' trying them out. What a geek.

Also love Sharpies. I've actually been on their website, looking for new releases. Most I've never seen in stores. There are Sharpies all over the house, in my tool box, in my cars, my backpacks/briefcases. You can never have too many Sharpies, always come in handy. I bought a huge pack (different colors) from Costco. Nice. The retractable (RT) black ones are a must-have. (See *SIDESTORY)

So my pen holder on my desk has a few different colored Sharpie highlighters, a bunch of the same brand of pens, one red-ink pen, a retractable click Sharpie RT, a twin-tip Sharpie, one mechanical pencil and an Exacto Pen (to cut out magazine articles, open DVDs etc.)

No one's allowed to use my pens/highlighters. They have to use one from the 'reject' box. I told you I was a pen geek. I don't know, I just like what I like.

(*SIDESTORY: So I used to work at a prestigious law firm in downtown San Francisco. They had a huge supply room staffed by four people. It was like Christmas morning there. You could basically walk in, browse the aisles, and take whatever you wanted-pens, highlighters, calendars, staplers, binders, Post-its, calculators, legal pads-lots of those of course-etc. EXCEPT for Sharpies. My coworkers said the company stopped supplying them and employees had to just buy them on their own. What?!

So I phoned The Keeper of the Goods, 'Mike' the Supply Manager and said I'm on a quest for a Sharpie and if he could help me track some down. He said come by, he had some. Yes!

When I went to triumphantly claim my booty, he looked me over somewhat suspiciously, slowly stood up from behind his desk, took out a keyring with dozens of keys, ceremoniously walked over to the 'locked' cabinets, and took out a fresh, unopened box of Sharpies.

But did he give me the entire box? Of course not. That would cost one of my kidneys. He slowly took out ONE Sharpie and said "Now these are the 'Twin Tip' Sharpies, with both a broad and fine point on one pen" as if to magnify the gravity of the moment. Unbelievable. What the...?

I finagled three out of him, much to the envy of my coworkers. Sheesh, I had to lock them in my desk. I guess I'm not the only Sharpie geek. The quest was more interesting than it should have been, but I can rest at night knowing those Sharpies are safe, locked in the cabinet.

I hope I won't get sued by them for posting this.)

MOVIE LIST-BATMAN RETURNS

The DVD came out today. Bought the widescreen, special edition of course. Full screen=anathema.

I love this movie. Christopher Nolan, Christian Bale and all the supporting actors got it right.

I remember seeing it in the theater this summer. Great movie theater, spacious, encompassing sound and an amazing movie crowd with me that night. For me, one of those summer blockbuster movie experiences you never forget, like Star Wars, the first Batman, T2, ET, The Matrix, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.

Geek Alert: Favorite comic book movie before Spidey 2 and X-Men 2. More of a Batman Fan than a Superman fan. Like the smarts, cunning, dark side, gadgets of Batman over the Boy Scout Superman. Frank Miller's take on Batman, 'The Dark Knight Returns' is a must read. One of the best selling graphic novels of all time.

End Geek Alert.

MY FIRST TRIATHLON

Pacific Grove Triathlon, Monterey Bay, CA.

I've always wanted to do a triathlon. Since I didn't have the time to train this year (err, learn how to swim, that is), I decided to do the bike leg of a triathlon as part of a relay team. Stick my foot in the 'tri' waters, though not literally (this time anyway.)

Gorgeous, sunny, cool day. Biking the 3 miles in the early morning from the hotel to the race start was mesmerizing, sun just coming up, looking out over the Pacific Ocean.

Saw lots of my old Team In Training friends. Love them!

The energy and anticipation at these things are electric. Everyone's nervous, racking their bikes and setting up their gear before the race starts. All the racers gets marked before the race. They write your race number and age group category on your arms and legs with a black permanent marker. I felt 'official' after I got my numbers on.

Well, my friends said they were doing it for fun, and not for time. But once you get there, it is definitely a 'race.' A fun one, but a 'race' nonetheless. Waiting for our team member to get done with swim, I felt like a track relay member waiting for the baton to be passed. Actually, we do pass a 'baton' of sorts, the timing chip that wraps around your ankle.

So Elise our swimmer (stud), gets out of the water, we transfer the chip, and I go running off with my bike for my part of the relay. It felt so good to be out among the 2000+(!) racers. Everyone's not out on the course at the same time though, we start in different 'waves' 15 minutes apart, categorized by age/sex, etc.

Of course I was happy to be out there as a celebration of life, because I can.

That feeling lessened somewhat soon after, replaced by the pain in my legs, lungs and back. Riding in a tri is a lot different then riding a century. A century is about pacing yourself for a long day in the saddle, with enough rest stops as you need, pacelining, others riding in your group, enduring the pain and discomfort. A tri race is about going as fast and hard as you can, no stopping, pushing passed the sharp pain, staying aerodynamic, keeping your pedaling cadence constant. When I finally got off the bike, my legs felt like rubber, and I still had to run to where Raquel our runner (stud), was waiting for me to exchange the baton (chip).

I had so much fun and gave it my all. Gorgeous, flat course. Watching the waves break on the beach. Looking at the golfers on a pristine course. Hearing the cheers of well wishers. Needless to say I want to do it again. I'll definitely train more. Of course want a faster bike as well. Man, some of the guys (and gals) on the course were fast, zipping by as if they weren't even trying. Very awe inspiring. That will be me at my next race.

Elise and I waited at the finish line for Raquel. Yeah! We picked up our medals and hung around for a while to watch the Pros and other people finish. Devoured a chicken sandwich and enjoyed an ice cream cone afterwards (I deserved it.)

Just a great day.

HEROES

"Heroism is an act of utter selflessness and it is only through heroic acts that I believe one becomes truly great. While you may never have the opportunity of jumping into a swift river to pull out a small child or running into a blazing building to drag out a trapped family, you do on a daily basis have the opportunity of practicing the same form of selflessness as front-page heroes. -The Biology of Success, Dr. Bob Arnot

I consider the countless volunteers and participants of Team In Training among my heroes. They raise money for cancer research and services by participating in endurace events such as a marathons, triathlons, or bike century rides, many of them first-timers. Here's a letter I sent to the team.

October 2005

Hey SF/Marin Team!

This is Roman Seguerre, we may have met at the Honoree Breakfast or heard me speak at Kick Off about my battle with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML), a cancer of the blood where the white blood cells mutate and escalate out of control.

SHOUT OUT
I wanted to give you an update on how I’m doing and say thank you to all you endurance athletes. Yes, I’m talking to ALL of you! Whether you view yourself as one or not, you are. I’m proud to call you Team In Training Teammates, and stunned by the work you do training and raising money for the Cause.

You really do make a difference in my life. The money you raise helps fund the continuing research of Gleevec, the drug treatment that is keeping me alive.

I’ve enjoyed talking to many of you and sharing your stories, why you became involved with TNT. Some are so kind to view my journey with Leukemia as ‘heroic,’ but I must say we all have a heroic journey we must travel. The admiration is mutual.

OUCH! WHEW!
I’m finally recovered from my biannual Bone Marrow Biopsy, a little procedure where they extract a sample bone chip and marrow from my hipbone to test the efficacy of the drug. It’s more accurate and sophisticated than a simple blood test.

The tests results came back as normal(!), meaning that there were no cancer cells discovered in the blood and that my current treatment is keeping the cancer under ‘control.’ It’s not considered a cure, but delaying the progression of the disease.

BEAUTY
Cancer has given me a different perspective on life, counting everyday as a privilege. I often tell others to not wait until they face a life-threatening illness to finally cause them to live the life they’ve always wanted. Do what you love, with the people you love. Life is so short, so precious, even in difficult, numbing times.

Life is seldom easy. In fact, if you’re breathing, life can be undeniably painful at times. I know first hand. I’ve decided to never live in denial, but to allow myself to feel life deeply, truthfully, as it is. Even with the daily fact of cancer, I’ve found that there’s always beauty in the mess and chaos of life. Life is good.

DISNEYLAND LESSONS
I recently returned from a family trip to Disneyland, a favorite of my 4-½ year old daughter. On her first trip there about a year ago, upon entering the park, she was mesmerized by the ubiquitous souvenir stand there at the front entrance. As I excitedly hurried toward Main Street, pass the stand, she screamed, ‘No Daddy, Stop! Toys! I want a toy!” “Later Honey, we’re at Disneyland!” A very public mini-tantrum ensues. Of all places, weren’t we supposed to be at the “Happiest Place on Earth”? She didn’t understand that just a few feet farther opened up all the wonders of the Magic Kingdom, experiences etched in my childhood memories.

How often in life do we ‘settle’ for just loitering at the souvenir stand? In our diminished view of a life taken for granted, we’re content with the uninspired, unimportant trinkets of a routine, predictable life, when if we just pushed pass our fears, out of our comfort zone, we’d find the adventurous joy and wonder of a life we were meant to live, the life of our dreams.

Don’t settle. If you don’t love what you do, where you live, where you work, how you look, where you’re heading, how you’re growing, then make a change. Your time is limited. Don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Follow your heart. After all, it’s your life-you’re only life-that we’re talking about.

GO TEAM!
So congratulations! These past months you’ve all pushed passed your fears and self-doubt to train for your event. Last month I cheered and raced along with many of our fellow TNT-ers at the Pacific Grove Triathlon. The energy, excitement and spirit were overwhelming. Definitely felt the TNT Love.

You’ll find that same spirit at your race as well, something you’ll remember for the rest of your lives. Thanks for letting me share part of my story. I’ll see many of you at the Nike Halfers Send-Off Party and will be at the Nike Women’s Marathon Pasta Party in SF to cheer you on and to say thank you. Please come and say hello.

“When the morning’s freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles quiver under the strain, the climb seems endless, and, suddenly, nothing will go quite as you wish-it is then that you must not hesitate.” –Dag Hammarskjold, U.N. Secretary General, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate

Stay well. Go Team!

Roman Seguerre

Me and a very happy princess. Disneyland Sept. 2005

IPOD VIDEO

Oh my. I want.

First the nano, now the new iPod (with video). You run out of superlatives for Steve Jobs and all the geniuses at Apple. (actually, will post a 'Switcher' entry soon and just started the book "iCon Steve Jobs: The Greatest Second Act in the History of Business. So far a fascinating read.)

Like all Apple products, simple, beautifully designed and engineered with an elegant interface.

I have a 1GB Shuffle and a 3rd Generation iPod, but my iPod won't hold a charge for long. I'm waiting for the battery to be replaced by Apple due to a recent court settlement but may just upgrade to the new one, could really use the extra gigs of storage, already out of room on my 15 gig (lots of new audiobooks) and the video and bigger color screen is a nice bonus.

Who will win the war for my disposable (gadget) income this Christmas Season? Sony (PSP), Nintendo (DS), Apple (iPod), Microsoft (XBox 360), Motorola (Razr) or Ford (Mustang GT)? Toss up: iPod or Mustang (or both!)

PLAYLIST-Alicia & Maroon 5 Live

I picked up Alicia Keys' new CD/DVD, "Unplugged." I looove her/her music/songwriting. Caught her peformance on MTV Music Awards a few months back, she jammed it up live, full orchestra, arrangement so beautiful and moving.

"If I Ain't Got You" is one of my all time fav songs, in the pantheon which includes EWF and Chaka. Something about her music that moves me, like when you hear a certain song and it brings you back to a special time in your life.

I'm also listening to Maroon 5's new live CD/DVD. I mostly prefer Live albums, more synergy, spontaneity, freshness than studio work.

Stevie's got a new one out, sounds good. Time to download it off of iTunes.

CLOSE SHAVE

I shaved my head and goatee(!) off today. I'm big on rituals, traditions, milestones so I made it my own little ritual. I just needed/wanted a change, albeit brief. In the 13-ish years I'm been wearing a goatee, I've probably only shaved it off maybe three times.

When I picked up my daughter Gillian from preschool, I'll normally just watch her play or color for a few moments before I call her. This time she looked up, saw me, smiled, and continued coloring.

As I walked toward her, her face contorted and she exclaimed, "Daddy, why is your face so different? I thought you were someone else's Daddy!" She kept staring at me with a puzzled look, 'you look funny!' Even her teacher asked if I was the Daddy. She thought I was an uncle. Funny.

An informal poll shows that most like me with my goatee, but sans goatee makes me look younger. They're not use to seeing my lips or my 'Cindy Crawford' mole.

I'm growing it back but maybe keep it tighter. Sorry no pics. Wouldn't want to scare anyone.

I'M BACK

After a year long hiatus (hey life happens!), I'm going back to blogging. Lots to catch up. Rambles, mundane, sublime, observations, reflections.

Just saying that I'm back again after another year of life is a cause for celebration in itself. (see May 9, 2004 post)